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 death forrest(part two)

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liux



Posts : 18
Join date : 2010-07-19

Scouter Reading
Power Level: 21,494
Race: Namekian
Name: Vogota

PostSubject: death forrest(part two)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:27 am

Vogota went to the scream. “shit. I have half of my power left. He looked back and saw… amazing but… about a 223 mile huge hole. It was so big he even didn’t see other side. Then something jumped from that hole over vogota. Then vogota saw the same fool moon. The hole was under it. He looked to jumper. It was oozoru. And it eyes were blooding. It screamed about 300 decibel. Vogota understand that that means, “I’ll kill you”. “This is going nowhere.” Vogota said and ran to the middle of the forest. But some hove trees made a big wall that vogota couldn’t escape. Then vogota looked back and saw that monkey’s hands are so light it even looks like… wait, no. It’s for real. That monkey is going to attack. It throw two big ki blast’s to vogota. He didn’t have time. He jumped to the air by jelling: “wolf wand fist” and with wolf power into one ki blast he kicked and to other punched. He loose his right arm and right leg. The monkey jumped but her ki blasts cut of her tail. A men fell to the ground. Vogota regenerated again. Wall disappeared. It was just trees. He steped to that man and… he still have his tail! Vogota grab that tail and sent his energy to the hand that tail grabbed. Using ki vogota fire it. Then he putted his hands infront of him and said: “kamehame…HA!!!” with “ha” he shoot a wave to the moon. The moon exploded. “ha, ha… this isn’t over right?” he run further to the forest.
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PostSubject: Re: death forrest(part two)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:32 am

Originality:4, I've seen it before, a simple oozaroo fight

Creativity: 3, nothign incredably creative

Logically:4, most of it made sense but have no idea how you lsot your imbs, and how did you know exactly how big that ole was

Fighting/ training:25, some good fighting in there

Story:6, it was quite enjoyable to read.

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Raz

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Posts : 294
Join date : 2010-07-09

Scouter Reading
Power Level: 6,572,398
Race: Majin
Name: Raz

PostSubject: Re: death forrest(part two)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:33 am

How did he not notice the moon before the hole?
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liux



Posts : 18
Join date : 2010-07-19

Scouter Reading
Power Level: 21,494
Race: Namekian
Name: Vogota

PostSubject: Re: death forrest(part two)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:14 am

part one
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death forrest(part two)
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