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 death forrest(part one)

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Posts : 18
Join date : 2010-07-19

Scouter Reading
Power Level: 21,494
Race: Namekian
Name: Vogota

PostSubject: death forrest(part one)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:03 am

Vogota were walking by forest. Suddenly he heard some kind of sound. He stopped. “Who is there?” he asked. But nobody appeared. Maybe because that sound come from the middle of the forest. He almost stepped into the woods but saw a sign: “death forest. For training. Need a tail.” Vogota didn’t understand “ what means “need a Tail”?” then the sound again reached his ears. “gh! I don’t have time to waste.” And run in. he ran about a 10 minute’s and suddenly saw a fool moon. “that’s why you need a tail. To turn into a giant monkey. But why you need that?” he ran further and saw… that there is no way out. All forest behind him were burning. “whoa?” he run fast as he can. Then some kind of shockwave sent him the fire and he finked: “shit. It’s over. 4 years training, 8 years in jail and 1 day life. Cool” but the shockwave turned the fire of. The trees were natural. Like there weren’t any fire. Then he realized that shockwave sent al his power’s back. He looked there from where the attack came. He saw a men, but he realized, like someone would quietly said into his ear. That men was nothing. Nothing and everything. Its eyes said that. Because one was all black: nothing, and one was all red: everything. Its name was: none. He said a hell voice “ die freak” and attacked. He was so fast that vogota didn’t saw him. In one sec he looks at his face and in other he is high in the sky with blooding nose. He put his hand’s in the air and sent his energy to hands and jelled: “MASENKO!” none jumped into his attacked. And exploded. “yes” vogota smiled but not for long. Because from the explosion appeared none and kick to vogota’s head by kicking him down. Than he put his hand’s in front of himself and said: “Kamehame…” vogota then landed on the ground when he jelled: “HA!!!!” vogota still have time but none’s kamehameha were huge so vogota have just one chance to win. He jelled: “wolf wand fist!” and wolf power punch he sent none’s kamehameha to it self “shit…” were the last nothing and everything words. “yes…” vogota said but saw that his arm is cute half of. He regenerate it. And he heard the scream again. “gh… its not ower?”
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PostSubject: Re: death forrest(part one)   Tue Jul 20, 2010 5:38 am

Originality:5, the name was from Naruto so I deducted a point for that, and I've seen this before

Creativity:2, no really interesting ways of ki used in this, nothing that creative

Logically:3, you wouldn't explode from a single masenko and well

Fighting/ training: 10, wasn't that much fighting

Story: 4, it was interesting, although, alot of it I couldn't understand, example ' none jumped into his attacked'

24 X 404 = 9,696
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death forrest(part one)
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